


We Found Love in Drugs

by amgicalhat



Series: Original Works/Poetry [21]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Child Abuse, Drugs, F/M, Female POV, Fluff, Food Porn, Lot's of Angst Buckets of it, Male POV, Rape, Recreational Drug Use, Rewrite, Rewrite of a Fanfiction, Self-Harm, Sex, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Third POV, Underage Sex, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 08:45:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14667483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amgicalhat/pseuds/amgicalhat
Summary: People find themselves in love all the time, the only problem in this time its finding love through drugs, abuse, and drinking. Sounds fun right?





	1. Lost & Found

"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for." -Dag Hammarskjold

 

  
Lost and Found

  
I was ready to commit suicide when you found me.  
The knife blade gleamed in the darkness, its smoothness coming to a sharp tip at the end.  
I cut up my wrist, letting the blood flow around me, when you saw me.  
Your blue eyes were sad and understanding.  
I did not know what to say, I just looked like a fuck’n-retarded person who stared.  
We did not say anything until you took off your shirt, I saw the tattoos.  
You pressed it to my wounds and were mute.  
I was transfixed on your tattoo of the lion and the lamb.  
The lions head rested on the crook of your neck and the body sprawled out by the white lamb.  
They looked in love.  
I wanted that.  
I craved it.  
You kissed my forehead and lifted me up, gazing into my eyes for the longest time.  
I did not know you took me to the hospital.  
I did not feel the pain in my arms as they stitched me up.  
Or you lying to them saying I cut my arms by accident.  
The pain was a dull numb.  
I felt high as they gave me a Vicodin for the pain.  
I wanted Vodka and some weed in that moment.  
In addition, you gave them to me when you took me home.  
I slept in your bed and woke to you saying my name.  
I did not remember telling you my name.  
However, the hospital did.  
"Your name is Max and my name is Lily," I said, you nodded and did not say anymore.  
This is a new start, maybe not bad one ether.  
I am abused by my father.  
My mother died when I was eleven.  
I remind my father of her.  
My body shows the scars of the past and present abuse.  
I have never been with anyone.  
You will not allow it.  
I smoke weed, cigarettes and occasionally one of my dad’s friends fucks me.  
I never wanted this, and I still do not.  
I do not want you to know, but I could not stop you from coming in the house.  
You saw the blood on the floor, and flipped out.  
I cut my hand by accident, and forgot to clean it up.  
I tried to stop you but I failed.  
You hit me, and hit me.  
I tried to stop you dad.  
However, could not.  
You found out about Max, before I could think of an excuse to use.  
I lay there, as you fondled with me.  
I learned never to fight after that time when I was nine.  
You left my bed; I curled in a ball and cried.  
And cried.  
Rivers flowing down my face.  
I would find a way to stop you.  
Even if it meant me dying and leaving Max.  
I woke on your bed, blinking trying to remember what happened.  
You did not say anything, just stared at me.  
I stared back, puzzled.  
You said my name and acted, as you did not.  
Why?  
Why did you lead me to your house, put me on your bed?  
Were you drunk, crazy even?  
You have no clue who I am.  
I can be a serial killer or some crazy women.  
You get up, your blue eyes are heated and you are sweating, I think you are high.  
Turns out you are.  
You hand me the bowl, lighter and a ten pound bag of weed.  
I take and put the weed in the bowl and light it, inhaling the sweet smell.  
I smile and pass it to you.  
You do the same thing.  
We pass it back until the bowl is empty, then hand me a cigarette.  
I smoke it, watching the smoke swirl around.  
You watch with approval and lean over to kiss me.  
Our mouths hover each other for a moment.  
Before I know it, your lips are on mine.  
Our tongues battling dominance, your hands roam all over my body.  
Licking, tasting, and biting anywhere you can reach.  
I cannot help but moan in pleasure.  
Or stop the tingle of my pussy with anticipation.  
I need you now.  
You push my body where it's flush with yours.  
Our body heat mingles with one another.  
Please, it hurts so much.  
You gaze down at me, your eyes vibrate blue.  
You strip me down and have your way with me.  
And for once in my life, I do not care anymore.  
I did not think we would go through ten pounds of weed within two months, but then again I did not know you were a dealer.  
You got a call by someone named; Spike is he your brother? That is a weird name it remind me of that TV show Buffy.   
He was huge; then again, he looked like a bear.  
I have a secret, I cannot tell you.  
It is bearing down on me; my body hurts from not telling you.  
Do you have one too? I can see it in your eyes.  
I packed my cigarettes, did my Lucky’s, and pulled one out to smoke.  
I handed you the pack in case I smoke them all.  
We smoked a couple and got out the weed to smoke some of that, but the doorbell rang.  
I answered it and wished I had not.  
My father stood at the door, two cops beside him; his glare on me did was unnoticed to you.  
I did what I normally do, I ran.  
I knocked you over in the process, with both cops chasing me.  
I almost got out the window, but the cops caught me.  
I screamed, and screamed.  
"NO, NO, No! Don't make me go with him!" Kicking and punching did not faze them.  
"Lilly Sounder, you are under arrest for harming a police officer, carrying drugs and underage drinking and smoking."  
My father looks at me, a sly smile on his face.  
A shiver went down my spine.  
I am going to hell for this, I just know it.  
You look so sad, and yet furious at me, I wonder why, they put me in handcuffs and into the vehicle.  
You stand there and watch the police officers take me away.

Few hours later...

I am at home.  
Crying my eyes out wishing you would rescue me  
They took me home and put me on house arrest.  
My father was pissed to say the least.  
I wonder what you are doing.  
You have not texted me yet.  
My father beat the living shit out of me.  
My body is sore, bruised, and battered, from the abuse.  
He hit me this time with the belt, and chain.  
My back is bloody and I cannot move, without sending pain down my body.  
I feel dizzy and disoriented.   
Darkness welcomes me in her arms; I am free from the pain for now.

  
Two days later...

Two days have passed, and nothing.  
I am still locked in my room; have not eaten in three days.  
Where are you?  
I look outside my window and you are there.  
How?  
You lean in and knock softly on the window; I get up and open it.  
You hold me close, saying nothing as usual.  
The clock chimes twelve in the morning, the snowy wind howls at the window.  
I go to the window as you stay where you are.  
I close it, and make my way back to the bed.  
You are in the corner of the room, your face hidden in the shadow, I ask what is wrong, but you say nothing.  
My body aches from the beating; still I take two pills and a swig from the bottle of  
Whiskey that is hidden under my bed.  
I offer you some; you take it and drink it all.  
Wow, is all I have to say.  
We get on the bed and snuggled, my face pressed to your chest, inhaling your scent.  
You run your fingers in my hair, taking out the tangles.  
My eyes are closing from lack of sleep and soon I am out.  
You are not with me when I wake.  
I panic, thinking my father will find you.  
I look around and the panic subsides as I spot you on the floor.  
Your eyes are closed, and a smile plays on your face as you dream.  
Why are you on the floor though?  
I shuffle off my bed and walk to my dresser.  
I take out a black long shirt, jean shorts, and flip-flops.  
My arms and back are black and bruised, my legs are not.  
I take my shower, get dressed, brush my teeth, and put a little makeup on.  
You are awake when I get out of the bathroom, two hours later.  
Your blue eyes are blazing with anger.  
I am scared and remain where I am, and wait.  
You get up and pull my up sleeve and point.  
The truth was all over my arms and I could not lay this time out of it.  
You see the bruises, and scars I cannot help but hide my face in shame.  
I tell you everything, but the secret.  
I cannot tell you that...yet.  
You hold me and rock me gently.  
After talking, you gently stroke my face, and I know, you are silently seething,  
You make love to me, and tell me you love me.  
Your voice is raspy and low but I do not care.  
You are beautiful and I tell you, I love you too.  
Naked as the day we were born, I trace the scars on your body.  
I never knew they existed. However, then again, I was either high or drunk off my ass whenever we had sex, and it was dark in the room too.  
You are frozen as I trace some of them, and I wonder why.  
Why didn't you talk to me until today, your voice is raspy and forced too much.  
Why?  
All these questions are floating in my mind, burning with wanting answers.  
I get up and get dressed, go down stairs and start breakfast.  
Pancakes, eggs, bacon, and toast.  
You come down from my bedroom dressed in a black t-shirt and jeans.  
You kiss me, grab the food, and eat it out of the pan.  
I smack you with the spoon.  
A gleam shows in your eyes, I step back and you grab the water sprayer and spray me.  
''Max, watch out for the food.'' I scream, as you keep spraying me.  
You stop, and grin but I am feeling like a cat does when it gets near water.  
Does not want in the water.  
I get the plate down, fill it up with food, and go back upstairs.  
You follow and sit on the bed. You eat fast and make lots of noise...  
I slap your arm and mutter ''pig'' before getting my own food, and start eating.  
After eating we cuddle, and watch a movie; Romeo and Juliet, while you quote it in my ear in whispers.  
I fall asleep during the movie, and you did the same.  
We woke up again at one in the afternoon, and started having a pillow fight, which ended up as a make out session.  
I never had this much fun in my life, and it got me to wonder.   
Could it always be this way? If so, I am up for it.


	2. Damaged

_"Desperation is the raw material of drastic change. Only those who can leave behind everything they have ever believed in can hope to escape." -- William S.Burroughs_

 

**Damaged**

 

  
The room is spinning spots are dotting my vision.  
I look from Lacy to the door and back again and run up the stairs, it is too much, memories are drowning me. I take an hour-long shower and weep.  
You are my rock; you do not realize how much I need you.  
I get out of the shower and change into the clothes I came in, and dream.  
The memory of Dominic Liar is not what I wanted.  
He is screaming at me, telling me to cum when I cannot... it is too gross.  
Slapping me on my face and ass, he takes, taking a knife, and presses it to my throat... I came.  
Blood runs down my chest, onto the bed, I gasped at the pain.  
After an hour of this, he passes out, high; I run to the bathroom and hold pressure onto the wound.  
Thank god, I hid some badges bandages under the sink.  
Wrapping it, blood seeps into the badge bandage I wrap it again, and again.  
I grab my knife, and sneak back in my room.  
He is lying head face down on the bed; I raise the knife and stab, again, again, and again.  
My bed is bloody and I wipe the blood off the knife on my sheets, and start moving Dominic.   
He is heavy, it takes two hours to drag him in the woods, and no one is watching there are no neighbors, no people to watch.  
I dig a hole in the ground and bury my secret with the body of Jacob Black.  
I am a murderer.  
I am a killer.  
This is my dark secret.  
Do not hate me Max.  
I am dreaming, I am 100% sure of it.  
You are hovering over Dominic's body, grinning.  
Looking up, I back away.  
Your eyes are dark crimson; your front teeth are long and come to a point.  
Your lips are covered in his blood.  
Grinning, you come up to me and hold my face the pressure hurts.  
"Lily, don't you want some? After all, you are a killer."  
You sneer at me, your teeth lengthen, and you pierce my neck.  
I wake screaming, and covered in a fine sheen of sweat.  
I get up, rushing out of the bed, trying to find my purse for a cigarette.  
There are none, where are the Camels? I know I did not smoke them all.  
I get the keys, start the Jeep car keys, and start it.  
Pausing I realize it is only three in the morning, but your still not back.  
I need a store that sells, booze, and cigarettes.  
I find one about two miles away, by your house.  
I by a carton of camels and grab Budweiser, Sobieski Vodka, and four cans of "Loko Uva.”  
Lighting the Camel, I open the can of "Loko Uva" and take a sip. Simply Amazing.  
The nicotine is fucking wonderful; I take a huge drag, and exhale slowly.  
I start driving back, but find you walking toward your house.  
I honk once, twice, three times at you.  
You are still not looking at the car.  
I drive over to you after the light turns green and stop next to you.  
"Wanna ride?" I question, rolling down the window.  
There is no answer.  
You are drunk and you are high.  
Nodding you get in.  
The silence is killing me.  
"Your house?" I ask, breaking the silence.  
You nod, the windows are rolled down, and your arm is hanging out the window,  
As if, you are going to try to catch the wind.  
I drive faster, and within less than a mile, we pull up to your house.  
I get out, you follow, both of us lost in our thoughts.  
Your place is spotless, just how I left it; I put the keys on the counter.  
Turning to go, you grab my arm and spin me around and suddenly we are chest to chest.  
Before I could blink, you start to kiss me in frenzy, biting my neck,  
Grinding into me, trying to get me out of my clothes.  
We have sex on the kitchen floor, thank God, I mopped it.  
You are thrusting at a rough pace and I throw my head back, and arch off the floor.  
I lose track of how many orgasms I have.  
I lost count after five.  
The world is blurry, as we snort pills and smoke weed.  
We drink two bottles of beer, and eat all the food out of the fridge.  
Afterwards, we lay on the floor, breathing hard.  
It is five in the morning and I am not even tired.  
You kiss my scars on my back, and I run my fingers through your hair.  
If this is our happy ending, I am glad that I have you.   
Nothing can separate us but our own selves; I hope we never have another fight like this again. 


	3. Forever & Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in the FUTURE!

_"Every great mistake has a halfway moment, a split second when it can be recalled and perhaps remedied." -- Pearl S. Buck_

**Forever & Always**

  
We did not mean to go that far.  
We did not know it would do that to us.  
I did not mean to get addicted to the drugs or drinking.  
I did not think about my age ether.  
Only eighteen and having sex, doing drugs with a twenty-three-year-old was not my plan.  
Falling in and out of love was not my choice ether.  
I answer the door to you, and you look miserable.  
I feel shitty today too.  
I want a cigarette and invite you to share.  
We do a three-pass drag.  
We are silent; I am hoping you have something to say.  
However, you do not.  
Then you do.  
"Lily, I didn't mean for it to go that far." You say to me. I take a drag and inhale the taste of Marble Black.  
"Max, you took a knife and carved MINE in my ass. I asked, no I screamed at you to stop. You didn't." I said my voice wobbly.  
Speaking of my ass, I got up and went inside, the screen door banging shut.  
I get out the peroxide pulling down my pants, looking the mirror.  
The word MINE is surrounded by pink infected skin.  
You did not use a clean knife.  
I pour the peroxide and hiss.  
The pain is bearable but I do not want you to know I hurt.  
You look sad, and wide-eyed. Good. You deserve it.  
I say I will forgive you this time, but next time it is over.  
I know I have said this ten more times before, but I need you.  
The baby needs you.  
How the fuck are we supposed to take care of a baby?  
When we cannot even take care of ourselves?  
Maybe before I tell you, I can get an abortion and you will never know.  
Your blue eyes are sad, and I wonder why, can you read my mind?  
I go to the kitchen, take out a ready-made Ham and Cheese sandwich, and chew.  
You sit down in the living room glaring at the wall.  
What did it ever do to you?  
I finish my sandwich in the next five minutes and ponder the thought of keeping or getting rid of the baby.  
Keeping it would mean a lot of money and responsibility.  
Getting rid of the baby when I am already two months along, would be a disaster.  
I remember when my father told me about my mom; before she had me, she almost killed me.  
Taking a knife and trying to stab me while in her stomach at six months.  
No, I am going to keep this baby, if you do not like it you can fuck off.  
"Max, I need to tell you something." I say, my voice was shaky and my vision starting to dim, you look at me and stare in confusion.  
"Whatever it is, we can deal with it."  
No, we cannot.  
You will not love me anymore.  
I think to myself then I take a breather and let it out.  
"Max…I'm pregnant."  
I hear a thud, and look down.  
You fainted.  
I laugh, and then go into my room, grabbing a cigarette.  
I sit on the living room couch and smoke, watching you sleep.  
Thinking of the future.  
You me, and the baby.  
I am glad you found out about my dad, and stopped him that night.  
I would have been having his baby if you did not.  
I would have gotten rid of it.  
Because of him.  
I rub my stomach in soothing motions.  
Everything seemed good for a moment and then it comes crashing down around us.  
Are we ever going to have a happy, normal life?


End file.
